damn i need to piss!! like hell i do..itz freezin here at *bux and i've been here since 4..itz 9 now. i juz finished my soil mechanics assignment. Like hell i hate it. My eyes are burnin frm the horrible rays of the screen..bad screen! bad screen! *screen: whimpers*

waitin for my fren to pick me up now...like hell i need a car..and a piss. >_<>

these are the dayz~

dont you just love jamie cullum?

when are my busy weeks ever gonner end? more lab reports, more assignments, more tests, more work...i spent my whole saturday sleeping my ass off! thank god i woke up early today so i can do the works i planned to do yesterday.

there was a dinner for my college's cultural club. and i came fashionably late coz i went out for dinner wth my parents. plus i had sum errands to run for the faculty's annual dinner. he had to perform...an interesting performance too. all the more the reasons for me to admire him even more. its a sad thought tho..that getting to know him, juz sayin one simple sentence to him seems impossible..due to my excessive nerves whenever he's around..no nerves when i won a lucky draw at the dinner though~!

recently i've met some people who might just make one of my dreams come true. i'll let u figure which one of my million dreams that iz..i ges that's the only interesting thing datz happened to me so far...apart frm palyin with mushy soil in d soil lab. soil lab rly sucks. i get soil stuck in my nails..civil engineering juz gets messier and messier...

survey practicals's gettin me uber sunburnt, soil lab juz got my white giordano tshirt officially brown, i'm losin weight (the good part), but i'm goin out of my mind (the good part also..haha). my fat shedding scheme iz goin rly well. my stomach's gettin use to not havin dinner, thus i've lost quite a lot the past 2 weeks. i feel rly good abt my self these days and i hope i'll get to my ideal weight soon.

urgh...got lab report to finish before this afternoon. going out for lunch at pulai springs. i ges i'll juz reward myself this once in a full moon. pulai spring food rocks! too bad we couldnt hold d annual dinner there. cant wait for the dinner...for once i can sit down and enjoy the night insted of running around tryin to make things right. hey, that rhymes~!

Forgetful Lucy

Damn! i love diz song and the movie where it came from~!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Hukilau was the place
Where I first saw your face
We liked each other right away
But you didn't remember me the very next day
Forgetful Lucy
Has got a nice caboosey

I used to trick you into pulling your car over so we could chat
But my favorite time was when you beat the shit out of Ula with a bat
Then we drove up to see Dr. Keats
And found out why Doug always has to change his sheets
Forgetful Lucy
Cracked her head like Gary Busey

But I still love her so
And I'll never let her go
Even if while I'm singing this song
She's wishing I had Jocko the walrus' schlong
Forgetful Lucy
Her lips are so damn juicy

How about another first kiss..?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So i watched 50 first dates fo the 15th time today...sometimes u juz wonder if true love such as the one in this movie really does exist...u'll nvr no until u experience it i guess. i love d songs in this movie. this is where i 1st discovered 311 and fell in love with d beach boys again.

another nightmare-ish busy week gone by...glad it's over, but another week is to begin in a few hours. but last week wasnt that all bad. i got to hang out with an old fren of mine who's finally safe in new zealand by now. (i hope) i'm so happy for him..we've known each other since primary skewl but lost contact after i left d country. i'm glad we managed to find each other last year. itz kinda ironic dat i left him behind to go overseas and now, he's doin d same.

i went to c another jam session lst week too n somehow i didnt quite enjoy it due to the same damn songs the guys play evrytime they jam..but itz a good way to release sum stress tho. i think they juz learned mcr's ghost of you. my frenz band iz playin dat song on d annual dinner. cant wait to c~! no matter how mainstrean mcr is these days, i still enjoy listenin to their album. i hope they dont spoil my love for them with a crappy 2nd album and make a comeback with a 3rd album and yada yada yada....

i went on an all day outin yesterday. i think we broke d shopaholics world record. we visited 4 malls in a day; skudai parade, perling mall,angsasna and city square. plus we hung out at singgah selalu and danga bay to watch some free concert. i jus wanted to see flop poppy sing and listen to JFK talk. jB aint dat big,so i ges itz possible...imagine goin to all d malls in existence in kL in 1 day.. @_@ i'd love dat...with rm10 000 spendin money..imagine all d shuz i can buy~~ ^_^ (no onder i'm zitty these days..too much daydreamin..)

d plan for the day was for the 3 of us;man min mas, to go out n look for gifts for the upcoming fka annual dinner. then my fren asked me to blanja him..being the kind person that i am (lol~) i sed ok. otw to his college we dropped by another fren'z college. and she joined us for lunch too. eventually, insted of sendin them bak to their colleges,they came along with us. itz a gud thing too coz i've been meanin to hang with my guy fren n cach up on each other's life. and d girls made him drive,which was rly funny coz he's uber tall and kancils r uber small...i felt sorry for diana who had to sit in d seat behind him d whole trip coz she was the shortest..lmao~!

by the end of the day, new friendship hav blossomed between my zul n d galz, i had a back ache and a pain in d ass by riding a kancil (definitely no kancil in my list of potential future cars..), we settled our gift issues, i got to c flop poppy perform n my roomie has sumthink to wear for d dinner...PLUS i might hav a new 'candidate' frm fke..woohoo! my fren sez he wears killer shuz...

sigh~ i am suddenly reminded of british fish fingers...i've been off food fer a while since i gained a lotta weight lately. been doin gewd..! i lost 5kg in a week by not eatin rice fer dinner, takin d stairs insted of the lift, am at d drivin range again, walkin to class if itz not too scorchin hot...damn weather, i'd b on playin golf at d course by now if i didnt care too much abt my skin...which is fallin apart since levellin started. imagine how zitty it wud be if i played golf~! i already hav weigth issues, i dont want no zit issues to worry abt too.

i have class at 9 2moro n i think i better hit d sack now...shite, i dont evn hv d time to go online during the week...i think my dad is ryt when he sed to cool it with joinin comitees in 1st yr. tanx drDad..

blank blank blank

Hah~! I'm actually writing diz in my room at ktho! damn i hate this place. i wish they'd just kick me out of here so that nex sem i can live in sum other college. ONLY if i already have a car by then...coz then i'd need to walk rly far to get to my faculty. hmm...mebbe i shud juz change rooms. a BIGGER room.

my current room is approximately..erm...put 3 single beds side by side and voila! u have d width of my room. d length, my 9 normal steps..try sharin dat space with another fren... o_O where's d human rights officer when u need em? evn aminals in zoos have bigger cages!! attica! attica! call me ungrateful if u want, but i think we thinking students deserve better.

yikes...the holidays are over and d next holz will be at the end of the semester..it seems like a long time frm now but i know dat i'll be in my second year here very soon. shite...my knowledge on soil mechanics is zilch and i have a test on the 9th. shit my knowledge on visual basics is zilch and i also have a test on the 9th. i am soo screwed. i wonder what i did during the holz................

i started to swing em golf clubs again at d drivin range and hey hey! i aint dat rusty. (after almost a yr of not swingin) evn tho i was in a fit blouse, jeans and high heels. (man, i feel like a woman~!) i couldn resist...d best part is when sum uncles sed i had a good swing for a beginner.

i watched a lot of tv...catchin up on my dad the rockstar..haha..the things u watch when u hav a 10 yr old sis..i'm on a fat shedding scheme where i stop it with d fatty food and uppin the exercise. so far so good...i hope i can finally dress-up insted of dressin people up soon. (designin things i wanna wear and being people's stylists). i wont stop designing tho...coz that's my passion.

ugh..i have a DE class tomorrow and how i wish i cud be my lecturer's stylist...*sigh* at least she has a PhD in something. all i have is a Permanent Head Damage...lol~

damn..i'm soo confused right now..about..its soo confusing, i cant desrcibe d situation. i just hate being confused...aargh!

Oops, i did it again!

i juz got bak frm kL today and 2moro is registration day at my college! damn~! i dont evn have clothes to wear to class...dont hav d tym to fulfill my laundry duties..

I enjoyed all-out tho while i was in kL...hung out with arif,tariq n their mate,alif. it was pretty fun evn tho i was d only gurl..i dint feel dat left out. plus i explored a little while i was there. i went to the pasar seni n was suprised to see all d cool crap they have ovr there~! i rly shud go there once i hav my own home to decorate.

i'm rly pissed orf wit my uni tho. i cant believe we have to pay more fees for d 2nd sem evn tho we already paid 2K in d 1st sem! and itz a lot too! and they're takin away my ptptn money frm my account!!! and ptptn wont give me more than d fees rate so i'd have zero in my account! damn!! and i had planz for dat money... :( so effin pissed...

but on d bright side of havin have less money, i'd have less urge to go shoppin while i'm spose to be completin sum kind of assignment or studyin. i need o focus more in sem 2 newayz if i wanna stay in 2nd upper...

ugh..so sleepy...y did d holidays have 2 end so soon????

vacation

i've finally taken a bold step and coloured my hair. on d box, it sez "crimson promise - soft reddish black". and hey~! my hair is now soft reddish black! not too obvious, but just a nice shade of reddish black hair. luv it. i wanted to do red high lights tho, but my parents are just against me. its wierd being 19 and not able to make MY own decisions abt highlighting MY own hair. but since i'm still livin at home (evn tho i'm in uni already) and my dad is one of the lecturers in my faculty, so i've decided to juz listen to em. [hell, if i was in a uni far far away, id have those highlights done in no time~!] Sigh~ i'm such a good kid...

d holidays are finally coming to an end...nex sem i hav to werk my ass off-er if i wanna maintain my 2nd class upper position. so, i had noodles of fun diz holidae. last week i went to sabah. i was rly lookin forward to c-in em org utans but my parents wanna hang aroun civilisation. so i got stuck in kota kinabalu insted. buuuuut it was an interesting stay i must say. not your everyday city.

i particularly like d market place there. really neat compared to other market places i've been to in malaysia. evn had d chance to c mount kinalbalu..well,almost...since it rained and it got rly foggy. i also visited ums and thought dat it's a really nice university compared to utm despite utm's reputation...PLUS i got to buy tons and tons of seashell necklaces and got a gr8 view of sabah frm d apartment i was staying at.

and i tot dat my vacation wud end there..with one week to spare b4 the nex semester begins...but i'm goin to kL diz wkend!! and i cant wait to meet up wif my frenz therre..aargh! i'm havin sooo much fun! but,the reality that i am an engineering student always hits me on d head to remind me of the sufferin i'll b goin thru once d holidays are over...diz time, no more messin. i can only pray to God to give me strenght to overcome the challenges that lie ahead.

[reminder to self~>i still have no one for Feb06...damn, i'm not evn tryin~~]

the gobloq of fire

i finally got to watch harry potter and the goblet of fire. it was definitely worth the 9 bux i paid. i even met up with diela who look great since the last time i saw her...she's gotta cousin who plays wicked guitar and goes to my uni. she might introduce me to him...i cud use a new guitar guru...haven't been strumming sane-ly for ages...with the examz and all...

apparently, more of my relatives think i'm obnoxious...but that's totally not my fault since d realtives who stayed over at my place were mostly guys. what did they expect? me to be prancing around like i do in front of my brother? he's my brother! of course us cousins have the same blood runnin thru our veins, but they gotta understand dat i'm a 19 year old girl and i dont talk to strange guys in their twenties~!

well, they're gone now..but they will be bak next year coz one of em's marrying sum 1 in jB...and i always go to their place every raya...same old, same old...i'll just keep myself busy online, reading or sleepin...haha!

the wedding planner

one of my cuzzins got engaged today, n my dad did d talkin..malay culture can be wierd...it fascinates me how things cn be really traditional in this modern world. but i'm learning to appreciate traditional things...

anywayz, d gurl looked really nice. she wore green which was a really nice theme for the engagement kenduri. i got to carry one of the gift tray for the girl. my mum keeps aking me how i'd like my engagement and my wedding to be like...mebbe coz tis a season for a lot of my cuzzins n frens getting hitched..and i'm nearing twenty...which is still too young!

hmm...lemme see...purple looks really nice on both guys and girl..green nice,n mebbe a really soft shade of orange.. [^_^] my fave colour! erm..ring..white gold, sapphire..tiffany's! a dinner for my frenz by d pool at pulai springs [like i always see when i go there], a party sumwhere cheaper for the family...haha~! yeah, right...mebbe in a zillion years.. [o_O]

weddings are nice..i'd like to plan one..not for myself, but for people. since studying engineering, i havent touched my sketch book at all. so much for standing up for being an expert at physics and being artistics at d same time...it dissapoints me to see people of science neglecting the beauty of art. i live my life among them and i've only met one or two people like that. i fell that just because we're busy learning maths and physics, doesn't mean that we shudnt have d tym to open up n see the beauty of art...sigh~

that's all folks~~

mami's kid

hmm...i finally got myself outta d house. went to a wedding. vry nice. 2nd wedding in dat house. it was funny seeing lecturer's frm my faculty everywhere since d father of d bride is a very good fren of my dad. who is also a lecturer. on d way home, my mum decided to take a detour n visit singgah slalu for a snack. yay~! we had a suprisingly good conversation today.

anywayz, i'm having a lousy time right now since my whole famly's watching a movie by a certain local director who i loathe. itz not dat i dont support d local market, but this director makes d lousiest movie abt d lousiest things...he just doesnt deserve it. and my parents are watching his movie right now. itz loud, stupid, and dumb. i wish he wud just go bankrupt. dat wud be d end of his stupidity.

still, today was a good day where i havent broken into a single fight with my parents at all, so i shud jus mind my own biznes n be a gud girl...haha! going out on monday...if i stay good, mebbe i'd get sum extra cash 4 being soo good!!

the best of me

My holiday is soo interesting~! i'm having soo much fun...if you can consider fun as waking up at midday, eating brunch, watch tv, read a book, watch sum more tv, go online, chat with sum frenz, check out my uni's forum, check out my frenster account, chat sum more, read sum more books, and maybe sleep sumtimes when i'm too tired of having fun, have trouble sleeping at night, when i do finally sleep, i wake up d next day at midday and ges wat? it's a new day of fun filled excitement.

i hav no idea what to do...going out means i need to fork out cash, which i dont have...but not goin out means my ass is either glued to the chair or sofa, where i'll be starin at either a tv or a computer screen. all this boredom is gib=ving me a headache..literally. i'm not moving around at all like a normal person my age shud be doin. at least a trip to the mall where i can walk around and sweat it out shopping wud do. but nooo...my relatives frm penang had to come around diz weekend and i'm stuck at home for at least the next four dayz coz my parents think its appropriate for me to stay at home with the guests. plus my mum wud need my help now and then while they're around. i wudnt even consider myself being with the guest right now since i'm upstairs typin this when they're downstairs....

i am such a vegetable...i shud find sumthing useful to do with my holidayz...i'm too rested. being too rested is bad...on monday, i'm gonner get myself outta d house, go watch harry potter which i nvr get a chance to coz itz alwayz full n walk around city square n exercise and not eat junk..! there, goal set. then on wedz [hopefully] i wanna go on a hangout session with yasmin. omigod!! i just realised dat i'm going to sabah in a fortnight...yippee!! [no, really..i meant it...]

surti dan tejo

surti dan tejo...an indonesian song by jamrud dat i got from one of my class mate. hilarious evn tho i dont understand half d song...hmm...it's been a while since i've written...prolly bcoz there's nothing to write about. but when i think about it, there's actually so much to write about.

1st of all, i need to let go of an event that i cant seem to 4get. it seems to haunt me everyday in everyway...during raya my mum found out that her uncle has been in icu for 3 weeks. so she insists that we go see him asap. and we did. the sight of my great uncle was terrible...apparently, during the bypass operation, he got a heart attack n most of his organs have failed to function properly. so he was practically living on a machine. i froze, i cudnt talk, i got out of the ward quickly. coz if i didnt, i'd prolly break down n cry...

he was one of my favourite great uncles. i knew him better than i knew d others...one of my relatives whom i'm closest to. as long as i've known him, he was perfectly healthy. 59 is not old. he died a week afta we visited him. it was a sad sight to see...d last funeral i went to was my grandmother's...when i was 9. so this one was scary for me somehow...a few hours later, his elder sister died. it was 2 funerals in 1 day at the same graveyard. the saddest part is, their mother's still alive n she's seen her kids go one by one over the years.

after d funeral, we rushed bak to jB coz i was in the middle of my finals...its wierd how i keep getting dreams abt my great uncle. evn now, almost a month later. not just dreams, but wierd dreams...iz it bcoz i cant handle d fact dat he's gone? i dunno...itz freaking me out...

anywayz, d finalz r finally over and i'm on my 4 week holidae. i'm worried about my results. aren't we all? itz different for me, coz not only my dad will noe my results, but all of his mates. which gets me really nervous. i'm afraid dat i might embarass him...stupid feeling. the boredom i'm going thru diz holidae iz makin d stupid feeling worse. there's nothing to do. next sem i'm gonner keep myself so bored dat i cant wait to enjoy d holidays..! i gotta fight nex sem anywayz if i screw up 1st sem to balance out my cgpa...

My taste in music has taken a turn into latino-brazillian jazz...bossanova! i ges it relaxes me...i even bought jamie cullum's new album and i like it. I'm even listening to d norah jones album i had for ages but nvr got d chance to listen to...I cant believe robbie came up with a new lame ass album...but no matter how lame ass d songs are, whenever he turns it into a video, i tend to enjoy 'em... o_O i even got bak 2 buyin techno gruvz 4 fun. recently i bought hypnotica by benassi d biz. hilarious...gud songs but they all sound d same..

ooh..i kinda miss tv right now.. must...go..watch..!

btw, tanx anonymous for d nice words of wisdom.

Life's True Colours

itz funny how as i grow older, i begin to discover more abt myself and the life's values. [dont we all..?] This past week i've been travelling across the country with my family to visit relatives during eid. Most of them have grown old, some have gotten sick, and some have died. Itz a pity that i barely knew them due to living overseas...

i get jealous when i c my frens who have gr8 relationships with their cousins...my cousins are practically strangers to me. Sumtimes, i dont even remember their names..! My parents took the effort to travel far to see them every eid. But i can never seem to open my usually big mouth to talk to them. I dunno y...Itz been 5 years already, and i have never gotten into a decent conversation with any of em...especially those in Penang. where most of 'em are around my age.

So on my way to my mum's place in Klang, i made a promise to myself to be more approachable there and do it in Penang the next tym i visit. So far so good..! I'm playing with kids and having fun and feeling appreciated. [i've alwayz found kidz annoying] I try to talk to people evn tho we havent seen each other for years...and itz nice to noe dat so much have happened in our lives since we parted.

Afta seeing my cuzzins in Penang all grown up and talkin bout their relationships and getting married, i felt somewhat 'lonely'...i started to notice how most of my frenz around me have or had relationships or at least have people who have interest in them..and i seem to never have anyone who have interest in me...anywhere. I felt like such a loser, God knows why...i cudnt take anymore, coz sumthing recently happened dat made me feel so damn rejected...as a FRIEND. I felt that diz person has rejected me as being his/her friend. I opened up to my parents and i never knew that they were open to discuss this with me. Afta talkin to them, i felt a lot better and most importantly HAPPIER...if not, i wud wake up every morning feeling like a fat reject bcoz even my 14 yr old brother is pretty much d [most wanted] guy in d school i used to go to. Every1 wanted to be his fren..he has tons of secret admirers...not the high skewl lyf i went thru.

Surrrre...i had loads of frenz during high skewl, but i was alwayz the big gurl..the blue hippo...well, i was FAT. and still am. i hated myself...my body. I'm fat. All my frenz had relationships in high school, but i didnt. i noticed that they were thin. The gurlz who were popular wif d guyz were thin...I dont care if it was monkey love...i juz wanted the experience. Nobody was serious when they were 17..now i'll never noe...

Dont evn talk abt pre-U...that's where i felt most rejected. i pretty much avoided eye contact with evry1 except with my frenz. I felt like crying everyday bcoz of a certain incident dat happened while i was there. If it weren't 4 my frenz, i'd prolly go nutz, or fail or commit suicide. It did take me down..but not to an extent that cud destroy me forever...Thank goodness God opened up a 2nd chance for me. Sigh~

So here i am in uni. Doing civil engineering..itz not exactly law,but i'm enjoying it. Altho at certain tymz, i still feel ugly, hated and rejected, bcoz d people i hang around wif r not hated or rejected. They already have admirers...and i dont. I needed sum1 to talk to...and i feel much much better after talkin to d people i least expected to talk to...my parents. Now i have a guide on how to face life and itz issues. The type of people i'll be facing, the challenges that will come...

I've been wasting my life worrying about how ugly and fat i am when there's more to life. So what if people reject me? That's God's way of telling me that person iz not the 1 or not good enuff to be a loyal fren. Sure, itz a tough experience...it hurts. But when i do find a true friend or the 1 if i'm lucky, i noe i'll be happy...no, happier. Coz right now, i am happy.

Eid Mubarak 2005

Tomorrow's d day when i'll b celebratin eid mubarak...BUT i feel like itz gonner b filled with guilt...

1st of, i got an exam on the 10th and i'm spendin d week b4 travellin around the country when i could've been studyin. Yeah i got my bookz wit me but i just cant push meself to open it and fill my mind with useful knowledge. Insted,i'm fillin myself wit fatty cookies and penang food.

then it comes to my 2nd guilty feelin..i'm stuffin meself wit food! Itz bad enuff dat all d sleepin and no lectures during ramadhan have caused me to gain weight evn tho i've starved myself for 30 dayz..no, 29. I didnt break the bloody record this year...it beat me by 3 hours...aargh! But diz year we're spendin d 1st n 2nd day of eid in Penang..and Penang iz food haven! All me relatives can cook FOOD..!

d 3rd guilty feelin comes frm d fact dat i'm still not talkin dat much to my cuzzins in penang evn tho itz been 5 years since we came bak to d country and we've visited penang every damn year since then...evn dis yr regardless of my exams; and still, a simple HI iz sooo hard to say...I feel so bad seeing that 5 years iz 4 too many to get me comfortable around them. I ges, at least i'm talkin to my cuzzins on my ,mother's side of d famly...

Alas..these words are all juz to get my mind off things, and i noe i'm gonner enjoy eid despite all the guilty feelins in my head. Sometimes i'm glad dat i juz dont give a damn.

ta-ra~ sweet 18th...hulloo 19th!

In 1 and a half hours tym, i'm gonner enter the 19th year of my life. I thank the Almighty for letting me live on the face of this Earth for 19 quite interesting years...hmm...come to think of it, 19 iz the last year i'll ever have a teen age..if i ever wanna be a teen ager again, i gotta wait until i'm a hundred and thirteen!

altho i spent half of my 18th year in bitterness and hatred but i'm grateful for the other half, which i enjoyed totally! That when i entered the world of uni life. So close to home, great friends and a new opportunity for me to turn over a new leaf. the finals are in 3 week time and i really gotta focus during this study week.

There are some things i missed out on during my 18th. Like buying fags [not to use, juz buy coz i can..] and i'm still pretty much happily single. Mebbe i shud try to look forward to a relationship in my 19th year...hmm...feb 14th? But there are more important things to look forward to other than that...Like going on a vacation wif my frenz [without my parents], get to know jB better, be a better muslim, actually DRIVE further than the distance i can go to these days, master the art of guitarin, play proper golf, and totally excel in my studies. All not impossible..!

I cant wait fort he next semester...Aargh!

FEBRUARY 2006

it's the fasting month already and my life's 18th chapter iz coming to an end; thus unfolding chapter 19. so scary...itz nice to be 18...18 iz a great age to gloat about. when u say u're 19, it'z like you're suppose to act 19..! and you're a year away from 20, the age that marks the end of your teenage days...no more -teens but -ty's. and u're stuck with it till u're 99..

Speaking of 19, itz d right age for me to get out into the world and search for the one. [or at least i think so] never really gave it a serious...but one day when i went back to college,my frenz told me abt a pact they made while i was away. find a guy by 14.2.06...stoopid pact. but it'll be a good excuse fer me to start searchin tho...i dont really have a candidate,but i love suprises! [hot suprises for that matter...]

afta years of enjoying the luxurious cake at sec recipe usually served by this 'waitress' i noe, i have finally found out 'her' name...hilarious. i ges the dOOd deserves sum credit for being brave enuff to be himself. even us girls have a hell of a time trying to be ourselves when in a society who can't handle us [esp in utm] society sucks! it gets crappy when a certain bunch of guys in my class;who i've never talked to b4, let alone care about their existence, decided to make my life hell juz bcoz i'm me. mofos... things r kinda getting outta hand and i'm losing my patience fast...only time can tell how much longer i can stand their shit.

goodbye looong afternoons and evenings at starbux..! Had fun hangin out for the last tym b4 fasting...i shall return when the month ends...or whenever i decide to break fast at jusco...i'm soo gonner miss the mocha making hottie. sigh~ if only guys like him exists in utm. i'd spend d rest of my 4 years there in pure bliss...then again,reality bites. so, i'll juz spend all my monay at satrbux while enjoyin my drink and d view.

bad hair day

i made a bold decision to go to the hairdressers' today and get trimming. when i got there, she was busy wif a customer so i decided to grab a cleo and read it while i waited. who knew the december 2004 issue was interestin?

when my turn came, i took the cleo wif me. but i CLEARLY stated dat i dont want her to cut my hair short. I just want her to trim the ends of my hair. just to make it neat. she looked like she totally understood esp after i told her dat i spent 3 months letting it grow. i let her do her job while i proceeded to read d cleo. A few articles later she was done. my hair's neat alrite...but itz SHORT!! itz d kind of haircut i wouldve had years ago in my tomboy football playing dayz..! I'm soo fucked up. i was speechless. I wanted to scream but i couldnt. i hated it..!

Sure hair will grow in time...but not soon enough to replace my painstaking 3 months' effort. i do hope it'll grow into a decent length by raya. If not, then i'll prolly cry again...

Emptiess Filling My Room

I got back to my room yesterday [or diz morning ] afta class arnd 4 only to find out dat I absolutely have no idea what to do evn tho I’m well aware that the finals are comin up in a month and the 2nd tests are comin up in a bit more than a week and I CANT AFFORD TO SCREW UP! I gotta get at least 3.5 for this semester to make the people who have high hopes for me proud. I keep telling meself that I can do anything. And I know I can…but at the rate I’m studying ryt now, anything seems but a distance away…so I really gotta get my ass movin or I’m toast. I’ll prolly quit uni and get married to some rich and lonely fogie if I screw up diz tym...

One thing I did d nyt b4 yesterday, which could’ve been STUDYIN, was hangin out in town to see my akustika seniors perform. Considerin I missed their last performance in college, I tot I shud really take a time out to see d guyz in action. They DID take sum of their time out to enlighten me wif guitarin skillz…it’z the courteous thing to do.

The blokes were totally wicked! As far as I can see, some bands perform to show orf and make themselves look like lame-ass eejits on stage…but these bunch of crazy guyz simply enjoy wat their doin and dey be goreng-ing with passion. It juz makes me wanna work harder and be as good as the dudes and so one day I can be up on stage jumpin around and screamin to my fave tunes..! a dream which I hope will become reality one day…

I cant wait for the day when I can finally have a jamming session wif eena and mebbe Corinne too if she’s in d country [instead of bein the singer who cant sing]…I really wanna play OUR SONG ‘I want u to want me’ by Letters to Cleo. I just cant wait! Despite the busy life that’s definitely comin up soon, diz is sumthing I cant leave behind. Itz the remedy to my stressed out self/life/day.

Back to the point where I had nothing to do yesterday…well I found sumthing to do. Yerp…I found an activity berfaedah. I attempted to goth myself up with pale makeup and eyeliner and dark lipstick. Walk the corridors of my floor askin me neighbours if I wud get past a black metal concert. And I took lots of pics of myself. WTF…total waste of 2 hours of my life. Sumtimes I fail to understand my own actions. I even planned to do d same look another fine day and stand on the dark lonely bridge at my college and stare at the passer bys to scare em…hahaha! Fudge…Had fun scarin my roomie abt suckin blood tho…FAT blood frm a certain sum1 we know. We predict that diz person’s blood wud give any vampire high cholesterol level. lol~!

ted-orient-dis

so...i finally decided to register my laptop at the library and to my horror i found out dat the librarian's gonner stick this massive uber fugly sticker on my laptop. Itz ugly and i wanna stick it on my laptop's ass but the librarian wont let me. If i attempt to pull the sticker orf i'll for sure screw up the sticker and i might eventually have to stick it back on the top and then it'll look fuglier! Aaah!!

ahaha! I discovered that i'm alwayz disoriented on Fridayz riiight after i tripped and almost fell over, for the billionth time; flat on my face. I told yasmin that i'm a bit disoriented and she sed 'u're alwayz disoriented on Fridayz'...I am?? Wow..i didnt notice that at all..! Glad it wasn't a battle of the band deja vu...sumtimes i feel like i just have to accept the fact that high heels are hazardous for frequently disoriented saps such as myself. But they're so stylish...and they make me look tall...life.

speaking of life, mebbe all my trippin over nuthing cud be due to the effects of karma. I have been bitchin a lot lately, esp to poor ol 'X'. I really have no idea what it is that X did to me that made X deserve the bitchin...but the mere sight of him/her juz annoys the fuck outta me. i ges itz juz my nature to bitch. It feels good to torture others...[and i wonder why i trip over nothing...] there's always an innocent soul out there to get it frm me. mebbe one day i'll 'fess and make up. juz not in the nearest tym....

despite being as disoriented as a hippy high on ex [or juz simply me on mocha], i have a strange obsession for kula shaker. goodness knows why...it'z as bad as my addiction to mcr. screw these people fer makin good music!! gotta groove to the psychedelic tunes of the shakers...

::mystical machine gun::

killin Time

I gotz 10 minutes to kill before i head orf for lunch...
D day started off crap today....I woke up late, didnt get any work done as planned, didnt do my english task, d presentatoin was off. (I spent ages preparing that..!) i felt like punchin diploma dude in the face fer no reason...the list goes on.

i might as well slept late yesterday than sleep early hopin to wake up early to finish my werk. thank god my eng lect was nice enuff to let me complete d task and send it in b4 12am tonite. she's sooo nice...and i'm such a suck up! ahaha...i ges my crush on diploma dude only lasted for a week. Afta findin out dat he's my height, i lost my interest.

i have a strange craving for mocha today but i have no one to share the moment with. My starbux buddies r all fastin today and they're tre busy tonite. Mebbe tommorow...i cud kill if i dont get to sip even a little! I have to go home evn tho i dont wanna today, or i'll be stuck in a baju kurung the rest of the day. I also have to submit d stupid english note thingy in. Now i really feel d drastic effects of not havin a car! I miss my waja!!!!

letz juz hope the rest of the day goes well....sob~

Eena decided to name the kitty nami...and i'm iman..!! heheee...
iman punye!